Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

“Do as I say, not as I do.”  I heard that repeatedly growing up.  Even as a child that made no sense to me.  Why is it okay for you to do it but not me?  If it isn’t good for me, why is it good for you?

Mom was very young when she married and had just turned 22 when I was born.  She was divorced by her late 20s.  She wanted to “sow her wild oats” which is understandable.  However, she was raising 2 small children full time. 

“Don’t smoke.”  Mom did – it took her quite a while to go through a pack of cigarettes, but she still smoked.  And, she did it around us.

“Don’t have sex until you are married.”  I heard this in all sorts of forms – I call them the “Good Girls Don’t” messages.  Mom did and was “loose” (it was the 70s and early-80s).

“Don’t talk back.”  Yes, she was always talking back to her mother.

“Always wear a slip under your skirt if someone can see through it.”  I followed this one but never understood why.  Everyone’s legs start and stop at the same place.  Everyone knows that.  Why be ashamed of that?  (Does anyone even own a slip anymore?)

Don’t disobey Mom.  Why not?  If her actions were good enough for her, why not me? 

Truth be told, though, I “smoked” for about a week and I didn’t inhale – it tasted horrible!  I didn’t have sex until I was in my late teens and it was with someone who was only in town for a few months and a lot older than me.  I didn’t want a commitment and he was a safe option.  (Rebellion?  Yep!)

As for talking back, I was raised by a strong, opinionated, vocal woman who taught me stand up for myself so I absolutely talked back.  Many, many times.  I paid for it each and every time, too. 

Being raised this way taught me a lot.  First, I never said, “Do as I say, not as I do.” to my children.  I have always tried to lead by example – I still do and they are adults (or close enough).  Second, I am a strong, opinionated, vocal woman who proudly stands up for herself.  Has it been easy being this way?  Absolutely not.  Would I change it if I could?  Nope.  My mom wanted me to be this way because she didn’t want me to be in the same situations she found herself in.  Am I perfect?  NO!!!  I am, and always will be, a work in progress until my last breath.