Do Not Blame All People

Do Not Blame All People

A while ago, a group of us from my support community (all women) were talking about our life experiences and those generalizations that we often hear people say:

• Babies are adorable.
• All teenagers misbehave.
• Women love to get flowers.
• All men are obsessed with sports.
• Salespeople are dishonest.
• Children love to get filthy, dirty.
• Men only want sex.
• Women are bitches.
• All kittens and puppies are cute.

How boring would it be if we were all the same? If all men were the same? If all women were the same? The answer is: VERY boring. No spontaneity. No surprises. No highs and lows. B.O.R.I.N.G.

No one is perfect. We all have faults. We all make mistakes. Everyone has been hurt by someone – a friend, relative, romantic interest or partner, child, and/or parent. And, yes, even puppies/kittens have hurt us. Does that mean that we blame them all for what one or two (or more) have done to us? Is that fair to the billions of others on the planet? Should they be blamed for what a few have done?

The group discussed how some of us have given up on romance because they have been hurt one too many times. Others have distanced themselves from friends and/or relatives who have hurt them. Some no longer have pets because of the hurt they have endured, even if it is from the loss of that beloved pet.

I have been in some of these situations and, even from a very young age, I knew not to blame everyone for something that one person did to me. Have I been emotionally hurt; dare I say damaged? Yes. Have I been damaged by some life events? Absolutely. But, not enough to give up on all humankind. Not enough to quit living my life and trying new things and finding new people. I do not blame all people for the things that a few have done to me or people that I know.

I believe that life is about learning from your experiences. The same way we learn not to touch fire – by touching it and getting burned – is how we learn to navigate life. Life is NOT easy; it wasn’t meant to be. It has its good moments and bad, hopefully a lot more good than bad. But, would you appreciate the good if you didn’t go through the bad?

So, are these things true? Of course not . . .

• Babies are adorable. – Most of them are but each of us has a newborn baby that we have struggled to say something kind about since we usually comment on how cute they are. (You know you have!!!)
• All teenagers misbehave. – It is rare, but there are a few that follow the rules and behave.
• Women love to get flowers. – I personally know of a few who don’t like flowers.
• All men are obsessed with sports. – No, they are not. I know some who put their teams before everything and everyone, I know some who don’t care about sports at all, but most that I have come across fall in the middle.
• Salespeople are dishonest. – Yes, some care but most are not. They are working to make a living.
• Children love to get filthy, dirty. – My experience has shown that a lot of them do enjoy dirty and mud. I, however, was not one of them.
• Men only want sex. – I would guess that is toward the top of their list but that isn’t all that they want.
• Women are bitches. – As long as you don’t make us angry, we are fine. Just kidding (sort of). Some women are but most are not fundamentally mean.
• All kittens and puppies are cute. – I don’t know about you, but I cannot recall every seeing a kitten or puppy that wasn’t cute.