CRYING –

CRYING –

I grew up crying. Every. Single. Day. I cried because I was yelled at, someone hurt my feelings, I was physically hurt (usually via abuse), I was lonely, I felt different than others, etc. I cried because I didn’t understand what was happening. Eventually I cried because I did understand. I always felt that crying meant that you were weak since I was quite often told to stop crying.

They were all “bad” cries. As I got older, the “good” crying started. The emotional moments in life, on TV, and those Hallmark card commercials that would tear at your heartstrings.

Lately I haven’t cried at all. This past year plus, I have had a LOT of reasons to cry but I just can’t seem to do it. The hurt, anger, feelings, resentment, and even love are there but I am holding it in for some reason. I cannot let the tears out. Maybe I am afraid to let them out. Afraid that they won’t stop. Afraid that they will break me down, make me weak, completely break me again.

I am often on the verge of tears but they don’t come. I feel that I need to let them out. I know that crying is NOT a sign of weakness. I know that quite often it is healing – physically, emotionally, and mentally. Crying releases stored pain and anger.

Yet knowing that crying can and will help is not making it any easier. I’m not sure what to do.