Being Controlled and/or Manipulated –

Being Controlled and/or Manipulated –

For some reason, and I know I played a part in this, several men in my life have controlled and/or manipulated me. I didn’t know it at the time because they were so good at it.

I have been emotionally assaulted, physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, fooled, and even treated like a queen (MUCH better than a princess) in order for men to get what they wanted from me emotionally, in our relationship, and yes, sexually.

Sometimes I had no clue until they walked out the door and I felt a sense of freedom and peace that I hadn’t in years. In other cases, dishonesty saturated the relationship in order to keep me there. I often had a feeling or knew that I was being lied to but I made excuses, rationalized their behavior, forgave them (time after time), or (with encouragement from them) thought that I was in the wrong in thinking that they lied (now called gaslighting).

One of the most difficult times in my life was when I found out that someone I cared deeply about was lying to me about … well, everything. Our entire relationship was a lie (to him). He was not the person he pretended to be in any way. I had seen clues, hints, truths, and other things but once again, I made excuses or rationalizations. When this happens, not only do you mourn the relationship, you grieve the person that never really existed. Part of that was my fault because I didn’t live by the rule, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

I eventually moved on and learned to trust again. After all, not all people are bad. In fact, the great majority of people are good.

If you have even been in this position, or are currently in this position, you know what I am talking about. Remember that you control you! No one else should have that power over you.