HUMAN CHAMELEONS

HUMAN CHAMELEONS

We all know that chameleons are known for their distinct color-shifting abilities, their camouflage. They do this for many reasons, but the main reason is for their safety.

Unfortunately, there are humans who are like chameleons because they use their entire body (mostly their brains) as camouflage to hide who they really are. I know a person (that I will call Casey) who was telling me about their romantic relationship with a partner (that I will call Taylor).

Casey was at a point in their life when they were searching for an honest, open, and healthy relationship. They had many bad relationships (both short- and long-term) and needed to make a change. When Taylor met Casey, they saw something that they could take advantage of (a weakness or vulnerability) and did what chameleons do – Taylor camouflaged their true self and became exactly who Casey needed and wanted.

• Casey said that they hated lying and being lied to; Taylor said they felt the same way.

• Casey was tired of the kind of people they’d been dating and was looking for the right person; Taylor said they were doing the same.

• Casey was looking for a serious, long-term relationship; Taylor was too.

• Casey loved her local sport teams and was a die-hard fan, watching as many games as possible; Taylor also loved the same teams and watching them as often as possible.

• Casey spent their free time going out to good restaurants, the movies, museums, plays, and their beloved sporting events; Taylor also really enjoyed doing those things and did them often.

Casey told their friends that Taylor was perfect for them and too good to be true. Casey and Taylor were together for a number of years and had a good life. Taylor catered to Casey’s every need, want, and desire. Taylor was the perfect match for Casey with Casey’s friends and family agreeing. Then came the moment when Taylor no longer needed Casey because Taylor had gotten everything that they needed from Casey and it was time to end their long-term relationship. In an instant, Taylor was a completely different person.

Looking back, Casey admitted that they had seen some signs that Taylor wasn’t all they claimed to be, but Casey mentally rationalized Taylor’s behavior and made excuses. With a lot of help from family, friends, and a therapist, Casey made it through and is happier than ever. Casey admitted that they learned a few very important lessons (the hard way) –

IF IT SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY IS

and

NOBODY IS PERFECT

Most human chameleons can only keep up the façade temporarily. Unfortunately, there are Taylors in this world who know no other way of behaving (this is NOT an excuse because, on some level, they know what they are doing). They move from one Casey to another, getting what they need from each along the way, then tossing them aside like yesterday’s garbage when they are done.

Please remember what Casey learned – IF IT SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY IS and NOBODY IS PERFECT. It is our imperfections that make us interesting and human. Humans were not meant to change their “colors” on a whim or as needed. Watch out for the signs. Think about those signs if you see them. Do NOT make excuses when you see them. You must look at people’s actions AND words, not just one or the other.