I Said I Love You

I Said I Love You

I started writing this in November 2022. When I wrote the following paragraph, I believed that was how I felt. It didn’t turn out that way . . .

I am not one of those people who randomly says, “I love you” in my romantic relationships. When I say it, I mean it. And I don’t mean it just in that moment. For me, no matter the circumstance, that feeling has lasted until this very moment. The type of love or depth of love may have changed but love is still there. Those people will always have a special place in my heart, I will remember the good times we shared, and I will continue to keep their secrets. 

My life has changed a lot since I wrote that paragraph. I turned to therapy, as I have throughout my adult life. I realized that I needed to take a look at myself on a deeper level that included a serious analysis of my previous romantic relationships. Doing that showed me that I do not still love these people. I still love only one of them and I have had those feelings since I was a teenager. In my mind, I needed to justify my continued love for this person so I convinced myself that I loved them all.

This person and I had very little contact/interaction for over 40 years. I avoided this person except through social media (and even then, it was limited to “liking” a post, etc.) and I kept them at arm’s length. Recently, circumstance put us in the same place in our lives at the right time. FINALLY! It turns out that we have both had feelings for each other for a very long time. The stars aligned and here we are. Our story, and love, will continue and grow as we navigate through life together.

Through this process I have learned that it is okay to love someone and then not love them anymore. Like every other feeling, love can ebb and flow, come and go. However, when it is meant to be, it WILL happen. One needs to trust in fate, God, Karma – whatever you believe in. In the end, love wins.