The ONE Think That You Must Do (And Others That You Should Do)

The ONE Thing That You Must Do

And Other Things That You Should Do

I was sitting around with some friends a few weeks ago, filling them in on what I had been going through, and I was asked, “What ONE thing would you tell someone to do to avoid anyone else having to go through what you are going through?” That was the perfect question to ask.

Before I tell you my answer, here is the background of my situation:  A close relative of mine passed away. This person was sort of a hermit and had PTSD. On top of that, they were an alcoholic and ashamed of that fact so they did not communicate much with others. They had been dead for a while when they were found. As the next of kin, I was NOT notified because the first responders did not find the information they are trained to look for. It was 3 more weeks before I found out the relative had died when I placed a Wellness Check request. My relative was about to be buried because they would not find a next of kin.

There are several things that YOU can do to avoid this happening to you or a loved one. It will make things much easier for your emergency contact(s) if you choose at least ONE of these. I would say that you MUST choose one and do it – I did all of them.

The easiest thing that you can do is put “ICE” after the name(s) of the person(s) you want called In Case of an Emergency. Go to their Contact information, select Edit, and add the word, in all caps, “ICE” after their name. ICE was not next to my name in my relative’s phone. On some phones, you can have your Emergency Information (contact, medications, illnesses, etc.) show up on your Emergency Screen when your phone is locked. (Please note:  if you use a PIN to unlock your phone, first responders may not be able to unlock your phone, depending on the situation.)

Another easy thing to do is to print out an In Case of Emergency Form, fill it in, and put it on your refrigerator (and/or the back of your front door) where emergency response people can see it. Most first responders are trained to look at the refrigerator. There are different forms sold online or offered for free from organizations where your medical history and medications are also listed. I have put a picture of a very basic form below and you can print this out to use. In my situation, my name, phone number, and address were on a pad of paper next to my relative but it did NOT say, “In Case of Emergency” so the responders did not contact me.

That is where my story began. My relative never took the time to talk to me about their Will, final wishes, banks used, insurance policies, or anything else related to their finances. Due to the circumstances of this situation, I relied on the mail to fill in these blanks. I found a lot of piles of papers sitting around which turned out to be helpful. (Was my relative planning on me finding these? I believe they were counting on it.) There was also an entire room filled with paperwork that I had to go through. To say that it was a mess would be an understatement. It took me months to go through it all. Meanwhile, some bills weren’t being paid because I didn’t know that they existed and/or they had been automatically paid from an account that the bank froze when they learned of the death. The frozen accounts could not be unfrozen until I received the recorded legal document which also meant that no one would talk to me about anything. Getting that paperwork processed through the court took me another few weeks and by the time that was completed, my relative had been deceased for well over 2 months.

NO ONE wants to talk to their loved ones about their death. I understand. I didn’t want to talk about it either. Before this death happened, though, I had been taking actions to make my death as easy on my heirs as possible. There are plenty of attorneys out there who specialize in estate planning. This isn’t just about your money and how to invest it. These lawyers can help you with making sure that your documentation is appropriate for your situation and up to date. Your bank can tell you how to set up your accounts so that your funds won’t be frozen.

I have since had difficult conversations with those who I trust to take care of the distribution of my estate. They weren’t comfortable conversations for any of us, but my goal is to make things as easy as possible for them in the future.

The other thing that I am doing is putting all documents related to my estate in ONE place. If other documents are elsewhere, I have a note with where they can be found.

Losing someone that you love is never stress-free but planning ahead for those left behind and taking away as many of the questions about what to do and how to do it helps everyone.